I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
