You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She told me I should be a condom model.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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