you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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