capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
