my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
