i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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