Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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