you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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