just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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