thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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