it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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