I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
