I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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