Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
