You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
