So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
