i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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