my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
