YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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