Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
