So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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