Don't you send me to vm
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
