Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
