Little spoons don't ask big questions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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