Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
