God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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