Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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