I wish I could teleport
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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