I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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