The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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