You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
