I accidentally burped into my bong.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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