so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
