I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
