She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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