Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
