i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
