I wish I could teleport
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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