he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
