Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
