I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
