that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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