May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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