I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
