I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
