How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
