they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
