Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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