sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
