sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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