i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I believe in your delicious
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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