I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize