drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
