Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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