after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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