I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
