I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
