Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
