so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
