He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
