so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dear god my vagina.
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