can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
