she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
