I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize