U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
