I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
